Teach me Your ways and help me embrace them.

Give me a heart of thanksgiving and compassion.

Give me a an un-distracted and focused mind.

Teach me discipline and perseverance.

Give me a desire for You and for the things of your Kingdom.

Teach me humility and how to trust You.

Give me more faith and the strength to cast aside my will.

above all, teach me Your love; how to love You and the others around me.

this is all that i want for myself....

Maturity is where one realizes that he/she is accountable to none but God.
Maturity is where one lives for no one else but God.
Maturity is where one realizes that he/she is alone without God.
Maturity is where one realizes his/her insignificance in this world and begins to fear God.
(We are significant to God though! Who am I that you are mindful of me...)

Maturity is where one realizes... 'I am nothing without God'.


Anything other than this is deception.

I want the discernment to know when to take ppl's comments and when to guard myself from it.

aimless, distracted and going no where. need to focus. need to get back on track.

my dear dear Jordanna...

There's only one thing that can make me truly happy right now... it's when cancer has left you...and there's no trace of it left behind...Jordanna, stay strong, the Lord will deliver you. hang in there!

I used to think that ranting on a blog was kinda useless but I seriously feel like doing that now. I'm so very tired!!! Tried to sleep at 4.30am on a cold and hard floor in the tutorial room. Tossed and turned...I ended up sleeping on a table instead. This is probably what you'll get at overnight camps held in TP. haha...nonetheless, it felt like home. cause of the ppl that were there.

I'll miss all of you guys...and no matter where we may be in the future, i hope we'll always be in contact and stay as friends forever.

The Ultimate Goal

My Ultimate Goal in life is to be like Christ and fulfill the destiny to which He has called me.

loneliness...

i guess i'm fortunate to say that there were only a handful of times that I've felt rather lonely.

moving into ntu has given me a lot of time for myself, which i lacked while working in tp. i was pretty much occupied with work, friends, family and i felt like i had a 'life' then; so to speak. But things has changed since i moved to the west.

i'm pretty much alone most of the time & the fact that i have only 13 hours of classes per week for this sem; seriously doesn't help. it kinda made me realize that i've this need to be occupied with something. this need probably developed while i was working. as a result, i'm battling with loneliness.

its times like this when i begin to understand that what i have now is most valuable... previously, by filling up my organizer, i perceived i was productive; felt a sense of accomplishment too. but what exactly have i accomplished or achieved? haha...i've got to seriously ask myself this question. with time now on my side, what should be done with it? what takes priority?

I thank God for being there for me always...I can never feel too lonely with Him by my side...and i know He'll guide me and see me through, for He is faithful!

I found this quote by a UN Official called Dag Hammarskjold, Swedish guy. It says:

“Pray that your loneliness may spur you into finding something to live for, great enough to die for.”

A great quote isn't it? I love it. I've already found that something. It's none other than God and our Lord Jesus Christ!

Delusions

Delusions - a fixed belief that is either false, fanciful, or derived from deception.

I don't want to be deluded no more...

Goodbye TP

It's been a year and 3 months since I started work @ tp. I've learnt a lot in the process and have indeed grown from where i was.


just recalling the things i had to deal with when i first started here makes me wonder how much things have changed or rather, i have changed. working here has altered my perspective as well as shaped me for the better. i thank God for that.

nonetheless, a new life awaits...one in the west. I've always admired those who could speak and write well and i hope to achieve that by the end of my 4 years in NIE; considering my major is in English. i still can't believe i'm on the road to becoming a teacher! it'll hit me soon enough though.

Goodbye TP.

Thank you Lord...

For all the things you've done, I thank you.
For the strength you've given me, I thank you.
For the peace and joy I possess, I thank you.
For your gift of salvation, I thank you.
For giving me life, I thank you.
For loving me, I thank you.
And for who you are... I thank you! :)

Teach me how to love

Love is patient.

Love is kind.

Love does not envy.

Love does not boast.

Love is not proud.

Passion...

felt really sian at work yesterday...i guess it occurs when life's lacking excitement.

went for lunch as usual and intended to catch up on some Bible reading at the library for the rest of my breaktime. bumped into my colleague on my way there...chatted with her for a while. when she saw my Bible, she asked if i was gonna read it later and afterwhich she mentioned that her son enjoys reading the Bible and always nagged her to buy Bible story books for him.

i naturally assumed he was a christian and so was my colleague. to my surprise, they weren't. and i asked if her son has been to church, and she said that he really wants to and would pester her about it but as his schedule is packed with tuition mon-sun, he doesn't have the time.
poor kid!

This really got me thinking. i've been a Christian about 10 years now and i struggle many a times to stay awake while reading the Bible and during sermons. yet, this 12 year old boy, a non-christian, who doesn't even have the privilege of going to church, enjoys reading the Bible so much he nags his mom to buy it for him.

he has something that i think i lack for now...and that is passion. i've lost the passion for a lot of things...not just in the aspect of Christianity, but even at work and life itself. I need passion. and i believe it starts with knowing why you're doing what you're doing. the purpose behind it all. :)

~Lord, you're my purpose in life.

haven't blogged in a while already. took up running (or rather jogging) recently...been trying to stick to about 4 km every morning :D hope to keep healthy as well as to burn those fats! (hoping that whenever i glance in the mirror I'll see a slimmer me).

It made me realise a truth...that life's a race. it's not a race against others, but one where you are your competitor. competing against yourself and overcoming your limits. everyone runs at their own pace. it doesn't matter if you're faster than most, cause even the slow get to enjoy the scenery that most tend to miss.

I'm running for You...:D

no one's indisposable...

did a bit of reflection lately and i can't help thinking how blessed i am. the fact that i have such a great job like this; is what I'd consider a miracle. decent pay with lots of exposure and challenges plus flexibility is a rare find. not to mention the proximity to my home. haha...this may not be an ideal job for most ppl but it's a pretty good fit for me...but then again, this isn't the place to settle down for now. gotta aim higher...

my uncle sort of reminded me of something that i've been trying to avoid for the longest time. what do i want for a career? if i'm not accepted into NIE, what next?

To be honest, i have an answer. but it's the kind of answer most would not support. i wanna be a entrepreneur. it's the other thing i'm passionate about, but it's not easy getting down to it.

anyway, i've decided to take things a step at a time. i may have my plans but God is the One deciding the route i should take and i intend to follow His lead. besides, why should i be thinking so far ahead when i'm not even sure what may happen tomoro?

Photography

Recently, i acquired a new found hobby and i realised that i might be getting hooked to it. A hobby called photography. I've been learning a lot about it since last year but the whole thing sparked off when i found my dad's SLR...didn't know he was into it when he was younger...guess his eye for art is in the genes; causing me to fall in love with it.

The beauty of it all is just amazing. It has this irresistible ability to beautify the simple things in life, capture intricate details our eyes so often miss and bring back the joyous memories that we tend to forget.

Anyway, here are credits to people who sparked off this interest in me:

Andrew - for showing me the beauty of film photography and what it can do. double exposure and all. your pictures inspired me to do better. I'll work on it. and we'll arrange for another photography trip when you get back :D don't give up on this hobby yet k? Hope you'll be able to recover your SLR...

Fen Ning - for patiently teaching me the basics of photography, shuttle speed, depth of feel, F-stops and all. Thanks gal!!!

Sabrina - for letting me snap some shots with your D40 and for your encouragement. Your passion for photography is infectious! haha...and thanks for accompanying me on all those trips we made to the reservoir to snap.

Mary - for being my photography buddy in the office and for showing me great pictures that Leona took! haha... thanks for accompanying me on the trips we made around TP to snap. We'll work together towards owning a DSLR k?

i remembered someone once said that we'll always have a big sign board hanging in front of us that says this:

I am a work in progress. Progressing to become a better person. To those whom I've disappointed before, thanks for bearing with me and I'm sorry for the inconvenience caused... :D

There are a few things in life that i find really hard to achieve:

1. Go the extra mile
2. Love the unlovely
3. Smile at the storm
4. Live by faith and not by sight
5. Trust and rely on God rather than my abilities
6. Not let people define who I am

I'll be working towards that...

Often times, i find it hard to explain myself and so i don't. I really need people who understand me and can accept me for who i am.

I realise that a lot of things are actually very simple and being human, i tend to complicate things. Certain truths have always been around but it's just that it needs to be dug out. I've always wanted to do great things for God. But yet many times I forget that we need to start with the small ones first. Obeying God in the simplest things is the first step in order to progress. Only then can we be trusted with greater.

Mould me to become the person that you want me to be.

Rachel wants to be the best Rachel that Rachel can be...

Cornerstone's been having a lot of great preachers recently...all of which really thought me more about God and encouraged me to pursue Him. I wanna know more about the God i serve. Cause He's a Great God and He's my Heavenly Father.

Been crying a lot the past few weeks during the sermons at church. Yesterday, the preacher (Ps Mario) shared this very touching story about a guy named Young and how he managed to achieve what people thought and said that he could never do. And when Ps Mario asked him what his goal was, he replied: Young wants to be the best Young that Young can be."

I was in tears approaching the end of the sermon cause to me, this is what life is all about. And this should be the way we ought to live. True victory does not emerge when you're competing against another. Cause there'll always be someone better than you. But true victory is derived from overcoming oneself...to be the best that one can be. :D

Jan just flew by and since then, my schedule's been hectic. Really treasure those times when i could just slack in front of the TV without a care in the world. But i thank God that my time is spent more fruitfully, or rather, so it seems.

Recently, I learnt the importance of boundaries and why they should not be crossed.

The difference between what's right and what's wrong is only a fine line and all the more one will tend to compromise. And that's just all it takes for one to cross that line. So I guess i'm just gonna stick to certain things rigidly. Especially my principals and values. Doesn't matter what you say.

I've decided to go for NIE this year. While attending the talk on Sat, I realised that my decision will more or less secure the next 8 years of my life. 4 years studying in NIE and 4 years serving the bond as a teacher. It's a scary decision to make but I love children. They are my passion. Oh...did you know that the Greek word for passion is pathos, which means suffering? Something i learnt yesterday at church. It's true though. You'll have to pay a price for what you're passionate about... :)

Endurance, Perserverance and Persistance.

Clean-up needs to be done.
Lessons need to be learnt.

Entrusting myself to the Potter.

I learnt something valuable today.

That there's nothing to fear, or be intimidated about.