Insecurity>>>>

I decided to blog on this because recently, I've discovered how insecure I really am. In today's world everything is changing...the economy is now in recession...it happened so fast. Just heard the news that a billionaire commited suicide because he lost 1.3 billion US dollars. Can money truly offer a sense of security? In times like this where the economy is unstable, no one knows for sure what's gonna happen...

Many would choose to place their security in people such as their family(husband/wife/children) and friends. I am one such person. I place my security in my family because they are the ppl who will be there for me and who i can count on in my times of need. But I know I can't count on them 4eva. I am also insecure in a sense that, I constantly need assurance from ppl. In whatever I do, I seek after ppl's approval. (hope to correct that) People change too... things have gotten so complicated in today's world. Divorce rates are all time high, making it hard for ppl to place their security in their marriage or spouse. Elderly being sent by their children to the old-folks home, can't place security in their own kids either.

As a result, I have decided to place my security in God. As the Bible records, God is the same yesterday, today, tomoro and forever...He does not change...and I know that I can count on Him to be there for me always.

Projects and friends...

There are somethings that I find difficult to say...somethings in my heart that I want some frens to know but there seems to be no opportune time for it, and so I can only blog. Its on the topic of doing projects.

During year 1 of poly life, I was the project leader for almost all subjects (mainly cause no one wans to be it). I badly wanted to get into uni and I knew how hard it was...if the projects do not get at least a B+ on average, my chances would be gone. So I pressured my group a lot and for most of the projects, I would do most of the work. Reason? Not because I was hardworking but rather, I did not trust that my group members had the ability to produce quality work and had this perception that I was always right. Yep...that was me...very jia lat right? So, I would not consult my group members before editing their work and neither did I try to tell them what I've edited or why I did so. As a result, they only knew little of what I had done or what I was doing.

Just a few days ago, I was just telling Michelle (one of my group members then) how sad I was that time when after I did so much work, spent so many nights working and editing the projects, putting in so much effort and one of my other group members comes to me and asks me what have I been doing....From the way I saw it, they thought I was not doing anything. Michelle told me that actually back then, she had also wanted to ask me the same question, because she really did not know what I was doing with the projects. I went 'solo' most of the times.

I was elated when our projects scored well but deep in my heart, I knew I had failed as a group leader. I did not lead my group along and had not earned their respect. It was then I told myself,

I wanted more than just the end result, I want to ensure that I pull my group members along and together, we will make the mark. To work as a group, is not easy...each and everyone has their own opinions and each has different style of communication. Some are more influential and opinionated, they are the 'leaders' in the group. And some will just follow and do what they are told. It was my goal, that before I graduate, I wanna be able to sort of "master the art" of how to be a good leader.

Well, after many semesters of practice, it has come to this final semester and although I still feel I am not perfect, but at least I know I've improved. I once had a group mate who trusted me with a portion of a project and because time was lacking, he did not look at it and just believed that I could get the job done. It turned out that I did not fare as well but he did not show any form of dissatisfaction and simply explained where I had gone wrong. It was not because he did not care about his grades being affected but rather, he cared more about his friends.

I reflected on it and I knew that I was selfish. I had only cared about my grades being affected and did not care about the frens I was working with. Right now, I am trying to change. If my group members has difficulty doing his or her part of the project, I wanna help them and guide them through and not edit and do their work for them. I dun wanna pressure but I wanna encourage and edge them on to meet the mark. Talk is easy, but I will try my best.

To all my poly frens, last semester already...its gonna be very rush... even frustrating as the datelines get closer. The eventual result is important...but so is the process of achieving it. So, get the process right!

You're the air that I breathe>>>

Today Ps Yang spoke on an issue that I felt convicted of. Most of the time, we often use God's name anyhow without thinking, using God's name in vain...The most common, 'OMG' is used by lots of ppl today and it has become part of our language and vocabulary. But do we actually think of what we are saying? By doing that we're putting the name of the God who created the whole earth, the God who created the universe, the God who created you and me, behind an exclamation mark. I believe it is important for us to watch our tongue rather than just saying whatever we feel like saying. Talking nonsense is pointless. The mouth is the most powerful tool...it can build a person up or tear a person down. It can choose to speak life or death.

Our mouth expresses what is in our heart and so, I am determined to be careful with my words.

I was also convicted to avoid watching movies that curse, swear or joke using the name of Jesus. Why should I pay to watch ppl making fun of the Lord whom I love? Although that would mean most movies, so let it be then.

I learnt another thing during the sermon today. God has a name. We all have names right? We are not named 'human beings'. God's name is Yaweh. But the actual hebrew word as found in the old testement is Yhvh...(go check it out on the internet by typing yaweh) . It is pronounced as Yord-Hay-Vah-Hay. What does the name mean? Ancient writers of the past have attributed the pronounciation to the sound of breathing. Yord........Hay..........Vah......Hay........

Each time we breathe, we call out God's name!

Once a friend mentioned that: 'If life were a dance floor, God would be the DJ.' This is what the world is saying. However, I beg to differ....My reply to him was: ' God is the air I breathe!' God is our creator...the one who gave us life, without Him, what are we? The stars that twinkle, the birds that sings, the trees that sway, the waves that roar...all speak of how great God is. The way we were created cannot be more perfect...from the heart that pumps, to the smallest cell in our body. Even our very breath calls out His name! To God be the Glory!

16 Nov...

Today I had great fun! My mom got some kids over to our house for lunch...all of them were from Poi Ching Primary and I have taught in some of their classes before as their relief teacher. We played games and I kept forfeiting...

My forfeit>>>>

Jovin's forfeit>>>>>WEAR_THE_WIG

Sisters!First up>>> Germaine! Class 4J year 2008>>>>Megan, Class 3F 2008>>>

TianYu>>>>and his brother TianRen>>>Nicole and Germaine>>>>Class 4J

Jovin Siew!>>>>Class5G 2008

Long time buddies!>>>>

To Jovin and Germaine who reads my blog: Love you both!>>>Anytime you're bored and need someone to talk to, call me k? I'll catch up with both of you soon and might see you in school too. Dun forget to spend time with God ok? He hears your prayers! Also, remember what the true meaning of Christmas is and spread God's love to your friends. Take care and God Bless!

Time to reflect>>>>

In this blog, I reflect a lot as you can see. Well, I learned that from a friend who felt that a day is wasted without reflecting and would ponder every night before sleeping on what took place during the day.

Just last Sunday at badminton, Trudy and I teamed up against my mom and auntie jade. And for each point that we lost, she would evaluate and tell me what the mistake was and how to overcome it. This went on for 3 games and I was thinking to myself, ' its oni a game wat, so what if we lose?'. Haha...it did not matter to me whether i won or lost...i was not gonna participate in some badminton tornament in the future anyway, so why take it seriously?

Well, i did not think much of it but today, Uncle Sam, one of our tutors was mentioning about how competitive the chinese from China were and quoted one incident where he happened to be challenging them to see whose paper planes could fly the furthest. He told us that they would actually evaluate each 'flight' to see how they can improve and what changes should be made in order for the plane to fly further.

My initial reaction was, :'My goodness, its just a game! Dun these ppl know how to enjoy at all?' Haha...but i started to ponder and came to a conclusion that, this is probably the kind of ppl that will see success in life. Cause they possess a learning attitude and constantly seek to improve themselves in every situation. They learn quick from their mistakes and determine not to make them again. Unfortunately, I'm not like that at all...my piano teacher had to keep circling the notes which i played wrong and still, I did not change and correct the mistake. Kinda stubborn rite?....haha...that's me and my 'can't be bothered' attitude.

Well, i've got to change and start to buck up. Potential is in each and everyone of us and i wanna maximise mine for God.

Well, so far things have been hectic, but i thank God that He is guiding me through. The day i came back, I saw for myself how my brothers have matured and started to take on more responsibilities. Haiz...they have left for nepal and will be gone 18 days...its gonna get kinda quiet in the house. After meeting with my bff yesterday, I could see that she has matured...from the way she speaks, I felt that she was no longer a over-sensitive gal anymore but has learnt to take many things in her stride. The gal i tuitioned previously has grown up too...no longer does she call me so many times a day and she starts to talk to me in a more 'grown up' manner, unlike her previously childish behaviour. Not to mention my parents...who were previously not ready to 'let me go', have now learnt to let me lead my own life, trusting that i can decide the path to take.

During this period, many things have changed...and for me, I have my heart-set on certain things:

1. I am not gonna mince my words anymore.

Many a times, I feel like a hyprocrite...saying things i dun mean just to pls people...telling them what they wish to hear. Well, i feel this is selfish of me...I dun have many frens and so, my mentality was this: 'In order to keep our friendship going, I dare not offend you for fear of losing you as a friend.' ... This should not be the case...If I truly care for you, I'll want the best for you...even if you dun like it. So, I will just tell you things straight to your face...it certainly beats backstabbing. To all my frens out there, pls understand this and trust that I care very much for you. Don't you ever doubt that...

2. I am gonna put those in need first.

Just heard from Pastor Daniel that when he tried to sent some of us to visit old folks home during this christmas season, its full house. Well, glad to know...but whatabout the other times of the year? Why do we only remember those in need during christmas? I'm guilty of that. I think for myself more than for others. So for this year's christmas, I want to bless the less fortunate first, then followed by my friends. So to those who feels offended by me not giving you a present, well...don't. You're all very blessed. there are others who need it more.

Haha...for me, I still feel its very hard to let go of all that has happened in Shanghai. I've learnt a lot and enjoyed myself so much there that it is now really hard to adapt back. It all seems like a dream and now, its time to wake up. I thank God for all that He has done for me and now, I wanna get back to serve him.