During year 1 of poly life, I was the project leader for almost all subjects (mainly cause no one wans to be it). I badly wanted to get into uni and I knew how hard it was...if the projects do not get at least a B+ on average, my chances would be gone. So I pressured my group a lot and for most of the projects, I would do most of the work. Reason? Not because I was hardworking but rather, I did not trust that my group members had the ability to produce quality work and had this perception that I was always right. Yep...that was me...very jia lat right? So, I would not consult my group members before editing their work and neither did I try to tell them what I've edited or why I did so. As a result, they only knew little of what I had done or what I was doing.
Just a few days ago, I was just telling Michelle (one of my group members then) how sad I was that time when after I did so much work, spent so many nights working and editing the projects, putting in so much effort and one of my other group members comes to me and asks me what have I been doing....From the way I saw it, they thought I was not doing anything. Michelle told me that actually back then, she had also wanted to ask me the same question, because she really did not know what I was doing with the projects. I went 'solo' most of the times.
I was elated when our projects scored well but deep in my heart, I knew I had failed as a group leader. I did not lead my group along and had not earned their respect. It was then I told myself,
I wanted more than just the end result, I want to ensure that I pull my group members along and together, we will make the mark. To work as a group, is not easy...each and everyone has their own opinions and each has different style of communication. Some are more influential and opinionated, they are the 'leaders' in the group. And some will just follow and do what they are told. It was my goal, that before I graduate, I wanna be able to sort of "master the art" of how to be a good leader.
Well, after many semesters of practice, it has come to this final semester and although I still feel I am not perfect, but at least I know I've improved. I once had a group mate who trusted me with a portion of a project and because time was lacking, he did not look at it and just believed that I could get the job done. It turned out that I did not fare as well but he did not show any form of dissatisfaction and simply explained where I had gone wrong. It was not because he did not care about his grades being affected but rather, he cared more about his friends.
I reflected on it and I knew that I was selfish. I had only cared about my grades being affected and did not care about the frens I was working with. Right now, I am trying to change. If my group members has difficulty doing his or her part of the project, I wanna help them and guide them through and not edit and do their work for them. I dun wanna pressure but I wanna encourage and edge them on to meet the mark. Talk is easy, but I will try my best.
To all my poly frens, last semester already...its gonna be very rush... even frustrating as the datelines get closer. The eventual result is important...but so is the process of achieving it. So, get the process right!
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